Captain Hook's Not Home, Leave a Message
by also known as LuLu
Summary: Stuff happens, and (slashy) hilarity ensues. Your basic random humorfic, complete with the obligatory Mary Sue cameo. (COMPANION FIC TO VINCENT CALLED)


_Disclaimer:_ Don't own Newsies, Peter Pan, Thoroughly Modern Millie and other random musical references, Walt Whitman, scotch tape, Kenny Ortega's bitter hatred towards Paula Abdul, Lord of the Rings slash, etc, etc. I don't own Mary Sue either, for she lives in the hearts and minds of all fanfic writers (but the good ones manage to kill her before she can grow, or at the very least, keep her around for these kinds of stories).

Author's Notes: Surprise, everyone! The companion fic to Vincent Called (And He Wants His Ear Back) is finally written after many months of being dead on my computer. It's not really a sequel, since the stories really have very little in common with each other than that they're totally and utterly insane. You can read this one without reading that one (and vice versa…but you could read both, too!). I'm going to fail college because I'm doing this instead of my homework, but ah well. Credit is due to the AOLer Translator for the teenybopper speak.

_Captain Hook's Not Home (Leave a Message)_

(again, for the 'Ladies)

"And the World will know, and the World will learn…" 

"Cut! Cut!" Kenny Ortega buried his head in his hands as his demand stopped the scene midway through. "It's step, step, twirl, sashay! Not step, step, _spin_, sashay!"

From his position at the front of the group, Jack raised his hand cautiously. "Um, Mr. Ortega?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"Ain't twirls and spins the same thing?"

Kenny Ortega let out a wail and began to weep.

"No! No! No! God, you know nothing!! All of you know nothing! ARGH!" He blew his nose in an oversized hanky he stole from the circus. "This is the last time I use my time machine to go back in time to cast a movie!" (It was also the first time he'd done it, but he didn't really want to mention that at that time.)

Mary Sue, who had managed to insert herself into yet another fic, pulled off her Sarah mask and remarked, "For the record, Mr. Ortega, _I_ got all the moves right."

"…" Sigh. "You're not in this scene, Mary Sue."

"Well if I were, it would make the scene _perfect_." Everyone stared at her blankly. "I'll be in my trailer," she huffed, but before she fluttered (never stormed, because that's an ungraceful word) away, she winked at Racetrack, who shuddered.

"Your sister is fucked up," whispered Itey.

"You're telling me," Racetrack groaned. "She's so fucking angsty sometimes!"

"AND PERFECT!" Mary Sue broadcasted (again, bellowed is an nonpretty word) from a few yards away. "THE ANGST IS PART OF BEING PERFECT!"

"Mary Sue, in your trailer!" Kenny Ortega bellowed (because though Kenny Ortega isn't exactly nonpretty, he kinda looks like a hippie). To the boys, he said, "And the rest of you, you can take lunch." They jumped in the air and threw their hats up happily. "Hey! This isn't the rally scene yet!" The boys floated back down to the ground and composedly picked up their caps from the cobblestone set. "As I was saying, you can take lunch. But!"

"Butt," Pie Eater chortled. "Huh-huh, he said 'butt.' Huh-huh."

"…'But' as a conjunction (JUNCTION, WHAT'S YOUR FUNCTION?), not a body part, Pie," Kenny Ortega corrected, deciding he needed to get rid of the free MTV in the kids' trailers. After all, Bumlets kept claiming he was in a Paula Abdul video, which made Kenny Ortega wonder if Paula Abdul had stolen (or "borrowed without permission with no intention to return") his time machine to get dancers for her videos. Damn her for stealing his idea! He growled. He was originally going to give the boys a four minute, fifty-nine second lunch (cost efficiency, people! Cost efficiency!), but now he decided that he needed to plot revenge against Ze Fiancée of Emilio Estevez (LuLu's history was wrong originally, for she thought they were married until Vinyl pointed out they were just engaged), which would take a considerable amount of time. And if he'd known that the Mighty Ducks was going to do much better at the box office than Newsies, he would have plotted against Emilio, too, but his time machine only went to the past and back, not to the future too (he hadn't rented Back to the Future Part II with ELIJAH WOOD IN IT yet) (and speaking of Elijah Wood, I am now going to spread the gospel of slash, copyright Neffie [except for the last part, because I don't know if she wants to claim that part, but if she does, then it's hers too 3]: ALL HAIL ELIJAH WOOD AND DOMINIC MONAGHAN, WHO CARRIED ON A PASSIONATE LOVE AFFAIR DURING THE FILMING OF LORD OF THE RINGS AND CONTINUES TODAY, IF WE'RE LUCKY, COMPLETE WITH LIVE WEB SIMULCASTING. Behold.). And though it may seem the story is digressing horribly from the original point, it really isn't because at that moment Kenny Ortega was deep in thought, brows knit and fingers wiggling in an evil fashion, weirding out everyone on the set as he plotted his revenge. Finally, David cleared his throat, and Kenny Ortega startled back into his work-oriented state of mind.

"So…yes…yes. Take lunch, kids. I'll let you know when we're ready to start."

After the previous display, the newsies wanted to avoid agitating Kenny Ortega, so instead of running and skipping away in a gay (you heard me. Choose whichever connotation you wish.) fashion, they filed away towards the lunch cart, where they were provided with YUMMY CATERED SANDWICHES™. At the sight of these YUMMY CATERED SANDWICHES™, all inhibitions were forgotten, and the feeding frenzy began.

"Lemme through!" Kid Blink whined, unsuccessfully trying to shove his way through the scrambling crowd of boys. "Lemme through, I'm huuuuuuuuuuungry! Remembering to twirl-sashay is haaaaaard!" But they were too lost in their chatter to hear him.

"Watch where you step, Jake, or I'll stick my crutch where the sun don't shine!"

"Betcha double or nothing there's no salami…again."

"Ladies first!!"

"Shut up, Swifty!"

"I need a Kleenex!"

 "Don't they have anything low fat? You might as well just smear the mayo right onto my thighs…"

"I am a happy butterfly, la la la la la la…"

"Dammit, Skittery! Can't you stand still for one second!?"

"ARGH! This isn't the dessert table!!"

"HAM AND CHEESE! GIVE ME THE HAM AND CHEEEEEEEESEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Come on!" Blink ultimately bellowed, frustrated with the random, nonsensical attempts at humor.

"We're going as fast as we can!" exclaimed Boots. "Ugh, finally!" He grabbed a bologna on rye and went to find a place to sit.

"It's about time…" Kid Blink grumbled as he approached the platter. "HEY!"

There were no sandwiches left (--CONFLICT OF THE STORY!!). 

"Where did all the YUMMY CATERED SANDWICHES™ go?" he wept.

"We ate 'em all," Spot shrugged, wiping mustard from the corner of his mouth. "We're hungry teenage boys, after all."

"I think Mush got the last one," Jack said, eyeing Spot in a mansexxxual way. Spot ignored him. (Sorry, Vinyl. It's not the time or the place.)

"Mush!" Of course, trusty Mush would have saved his best friend part of his sandwich. Not only that, Blink was secretly in love with Mush (aww!), so to him, a sign of friendly affection was better than no affection at all.

"Someone say my name?" Mush suddenly appeared like the random-plot-point-the-author-needed-to-get-things-rolling he was.

"Mush!" Blink exclaimed, ecstatic. "Mush, old buddy, old pal, old secret lust object of mine! Did you save me a part of your YUMMY CATERED SANDWICH™?"

Mush looked at him curiously. "No…why would I?"

Blink looked flattened, but since this is an unreciprocated slash fic, Mush was too dense to notice (sort of like the slash conflict in "Vincent", but a different pairing. I think I have originality issues.). "No…no reason."

"Okay." Mush smiled in a bright, oblivious manner and shrugged. "I'll see you on the set, then?"

"Yeah…see you on the set," Blink mumbled, dejected. When Mush was out of sight, be began to weep openly. "OH, CRUEL WORLD! MY ONLY LOVE HAS BETRAYED ME! AND I'M STILL HUNGRY!"

"Hungry for some hot manlovin'!" came a voice from behind a trailer.

"Who…who said that?"

"We did!"

The SLASHY LADIES (because if everyone else can write author insert fics, why the hell can't I?) pranced into the scene, each wearing a flapper dress (screw historical accuracy! Even though this technically *does* take place in the 1990s…screw it!) and holding a cue card to declare: PREPARE FOR MALE EMPOWERMENT MUSICAL INTERLUDE, INSERTED HERE.

"That means you," whispered Manda, poking Blink in the side.

"Me?" he asked. "But I don't want to dance…I want a YUMMY CATERED SANDWICH™…"

"I think there's some KFC around here, if you want it," a randomly placed Swifty mentioned, ignoring the Ladies. (And in case you're curious, after saying his line, he left to get his union check and practice his crocheting. Because he can.)

KFC…Kentucky Fried Chicken (even though the author is fairly sure they're not allowed to call it "chicken" anymore)…KFC…Blink mulled it over to increase the story's word count. It sounded like a cue to him. Or at least it did to the Slashy Ladies, who tossed away their cue cards and signaled for music. Appropriately, Kid Blink burst into song, stealing the memorable tune from the hit musical Thoroughly Modern Millie (which LuLu doesn't own, but wishes she did…anyway, she half-assed-ly attempted to parody parts of it here), with the Slashy Ladies accompanying on kazoos and tambourines.

"No fried chicken in a pail for me!" he crooned. "This here birdie's going to fly free!"

"HOORAY AND HALLELUH!" shouted Sphinx. 

"Not yet!" hissed Khavi, whacking Sphinx with her tambourine. "That part comes later!!"

"Sorry…keep going, Blinky!"

And continue he did.

"Cut the cord!" he vocalized. "Is that a man I once adored? He's nothing but an albatross, no great loss, double crosser!" He looked at the nearest Slashy Lady and winked. "Forget about the boy!" Neffie swooned and fell into Kat's arms. "Pull the plug -- ain't he the one who pulled the rug? He's lower than an alley cat! Dirty rat! And I flaaaatter! Forget about the boy! Forget about the boy! Forget about the boy!"

The Slashy Ladies kazooed and tambourined behind him….until Simon Cowell's Illegitimate Child (aka ANN 3) noticed something was going wrong.

"Hold up, stop the number!" she hollered. "What are you doing!?" she demanded of Vinyl.

Vinyl looked up from her place twenty feet away, where she was trying to convince Spot to scronk Jack.

"Noooooooooothiiiiiiiing," she warbled, trying to look innocent and failing miserably.

"Get back in the number!" Ann ordered.

"Fine, fine," she grumbled, adding to Spot with a wink, "Just think about it, mmkay?"

"VINYL!"

"I'M COMING!" she yelled, getting back into line.

"Now, where were we?"

"Second verse!" supplied Stage.

"With all the lost time we've got now? Screw the second verse!" She tapped Blink with Bumlets's stick, which she had stolen as he leaned on it, causing him to fall over as a result. She also ignored Sphinx's cries of "BUT, THE HALLELUH! THE HALLELUH!". "Here's your directions! You are trying to get over your betrayal by Mush. You've convinced yourself not to even think about him, not to give him the time of day, but then, you're suddenly overcome by overwhelming emotions! Now…go!"

"Mushy," sighed Blink somberly. Ann silently cheered, because this part was *finally* going her way and she wasn't going to have to pretend to be the *real* Simon Cowell. "Oh Mushy…"

"Specsy," swooned Dutchy.

"Dutchy," grinned Specs from next to him.

"Racetrack," sighed Skittery.

"David," crowed Denton. The other newsies threw their shoes at him, and he ran anyway crying.

"Anyway!" said Snoddy, clearing his throat. "Swifty…"

"Skittery," continued Snitch.

"Crutchy," added Jack, but only because LuLu slipped him an extra few bucks to say it. The hidden truth was that he really loved Spot and eventually they would, in the slashy tradition of slashfic, have hot mansexxx. (HAPPY NOW, VINYL??)

"Pie Eater!" grinned Jake.

"Hey, Skittery is mine!" Racetrack protested to Snitch.

"He is no-oot!"

"A-HEM!" Mary Sue pushed her way to the front of the group. "OH RACETRACK, LOVE OF MY LIFE!" she trilled. The Slashy Ladies covered their ears and cowered at such a sound, giving Bumlets an opportunity to steal his stick back (but Ann, in her pain, didn't notice). The newsies (especially Racetrack) really wished now that they hadn't thrown their shoes at Denton.. Mary Sue would have been a much easier target. Kid Blink rolled his eyes and ignored her. 

"Mushy, oh Mushy," he resumed. "Silly Mush…gee, what a real swell guy."

"Forget about the boy," the newsies and Slashy Ladies sang together behind him.

And then there was more singing and such, until Three took over the second half of the number, with one of the most important parts:

"And now the tap dance!" she proclaimed. The Ladies backed away for the newsies to do their tap solo. For a moment, they waited. And then they waited another moment. And another. And then a few dozen moments more. "…okay, where's the friggin' tap dance!?"

"Um…" Dutchy looked at his feet. "We, uh, kinda threw our shoes at Denton…"

"For the love of David Moscow," Three groaned, her mouth feeling dirty at the words, "do I have to do everything myself?"

"Um…yes?" supplied Swifty.

Three smacked her forehead. "Wrong answer. Okay, screw the newsie tap solo and get right back to the chorus. CHORUS!"

"Shout hooray and halleluh!" the chorus chorused. And if there had been tap dancing here, there would have been a 'tap tap' after this line. "Now that me and Mister Wrong are through (tap tap!), I'll find myself another beau who I know is no roooooooo-veeeeeer! Forget about the boy! (tappity tappity tappity! Don't you wish they hadn't thrown their shoes at Denton now? No? I thought so.) Forget about the boy!"

"Forget about the boy!" sang Blink.

"Forget about the boy!" everyone hummed together.

And the next verse was skipped because LuLu thinks everyone's getting sick of this song (and as much as she loves it, so is she because adapting it is harder than she thought), and, again, we come upon these pivotal lines:

"For when he comes crawlin'," the chorus started.

"I'm not fallin'!" finished Blink.

"Hal-le-lu-jah!" they sang out together. "Forget about the boy! Forget about the boy!  
Forget aboooout the boooooooooooy!" It ended in the flashy musical fashion that LuLu is too lazy to describe here (see above explanation as to why).

"You see, Blink!" exclaimed the Ladies together. "You can make a new life without Mush!"

"But…where will I go?" asked Blink.

"Away from the set!" exclaimed Kat.

"See the world!" added Omni.

"You're right! I will see the world!" He paused to breathe. "Wait…this is a set?"

But the Slashy Ladies were now heading for the exit and ignoring his question, instead absorbing themselves in another TMM medley (if I don't get sued for this, it'll be a miracle). 

"Burn the bridge, bet the store, Blinky's coming home no more," they warbled as they step-step-twirl-sashayed away, complete with Jazz Hands. "Not for the life of Disney…"

Kenny Ortega spied them right before they ducked behind the painted New York backdrop (partially because LuLu, being the klutz she is, walked into it and made a funny 'thunk' sound).

"THAT'S IT!" he exclaimed, growing giddy. "The step-step-_twirl_-sashay! My choreography CAN be accomplished!"

"Paula Abdul taught us!" Khavi giggled as they continued out.

That was not the right thing to tell Kenny Ortega, because at that point, something snapped within him, and he fell to his knees, wailing unnaturally,

"DAMN YOU, PAULA ABDUL!"

Meanwhile, Blink was leaving the Newsies set, sack of Random Useful Stuff in tow, when he was confronted by Denton, who was coming back after going to cry on a wussier, less testosterone-dominated set that would understand him. 

"Blink!" he cried. "Do you, by any chance, know where David is?"

"Um…" Kid Blink threw a spare shoe at him. "Nope! Bye!"

As he ran away, Denton wept again.

Without the newsies, in the aftermath of "Forget About the Boy", Blink was finding his soul-searching tough. There were so many films he could join! Comedies, dramas, dramadies, documentaries, foreign films, family films, historical fiction musicals with two-dimensional sets…actually, that was where he had just come from, so scratch that last choice.

"Oh, where am I going to go?" he sighed. "Without Mush, I'm lost in the world!"

"FOR LOVE OF THREE!" bellowed Vinyl from a faraway place. "DID THE MUSICAL NUMBER TEACH YOU NOTHING!??!"

"Oh…right," Blink smiled sheepishly. "Well, where am I supposed to go?"

"LIEK OMG!!!1!!" The screeching call of the teenybopper caused him to freeze. "IT'S TAHT GUY FROM TAHT THNG OR WHUTEV H3'S SO HOT!!!!"

He immediately knew something was horribly wrong, and his destiny was certain doom, chained to a strange, crazed girl's bed, unless there was dire action taken.

He ran like hell.

"WH3R3 R U OMG COM3 BAK!!!" she squealed. Blink didn't answer her; he kept on running. She sobbed openly, "DON'T1!!1!!!!111!111!!1!11!1!!!!!!11!111!! WTF L3AEV M3" just as Blink left her sight.

"Thank God!"  he gasped, breathing heavily as he leaned on the back of a set. Then, the little light bulb above his head lit up at the striking of an idea. "She won't find me if I join this movie!" he exclaimed. He stepped around the set,

and suddenly found himself completely immersed in water. Without realizing it, he had joined a film whose action took place on an island, and he had missed the island by quite a lot.

"Ack!" he spluttered, coughing up water. "I can't swim!!"

"YO HO HO!" Blink looked up at the sound of pirates, and indeed, there were pirates, sailing along the lake in their giant wooden pirate ship. "ARGHHHHHH! AHOY, MATEY!!" they called to him.

"Um…hi!" he exclaimed. "Can you get me out of here? And quick!!!" (For not being able to swim, he was suddenly doing quite well, as the author decided to keep him alive for purposes of moving the plot forward.)

"Arrrgh, we can tie 'im up on the port bow!" exclaimed a scruffy looking one. "Take that purdy lil' patch a' 'is! Pirate poseur!" This really wasn't much better than the teenybopper. Blink became alarmed again.

"Someone help me!!" he howled.

"I'll save you!!" a terrifically random voice called out….and at that point, random was better than none.

"Who said that?" Blink asked. "I can't see you!"

"Up here!" Blink's eyes went skyward and landed on a handsome boy hovering up above him. Yes, hovering. In…in green tights, no less.

"Who…who are you?" 

"I'm…PETER PAN!" the handsome, elfish boy announced. He swooped down and grabbed Blink by the hand. Gradually pulling him up, he asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm KID BLINK!" he returned, thinking the whole yelling thing was just cultural.

"Where do you come from?" Pan asked, Blink out of the water far enough that he could cradle him in his arms now.

"From…" He wouldn't understand the idea of a movie set (he barely did himself), so Blink tried to think of a way to explain it. The land mass in the center of the set gave him an idea. "Another island."

"What island?"

"Manhattan." 

(Smoke on your pipe and put that in!)

_(Shut up, LuLu. No one wants to hear your __West Side__ Story refs.)_

(You shut up first, Mary Sue.)

_(Make me.)_

(Why are you in my brain, anyway? I thought I stabbed you with a Q-Tip.)

_(Who do you think you are, Homer Simpson? I cannot die, because I am…YOUR ALTER EGO. *DUNDUNDUN*)_

(No you're not. Now, be quiet or else I'll write you into a slash story where you fall in love with Patrick's Mother.)

_(I've been in worse stories.)_

(But what if I also made you…Patrick's SISTER?)

_(::whimper:: I'll be good.)_

(Good. Now I can get back to the story.)

"I don't know that island."

"I could show you someday," Blink offered. "Where am I?"

"Off the coast of Neverland," Peter Pan grinned as they continued to float midair.

"What do you do in Neverland?" asked Blink.

"Lots of things!"

"Do you have sandwiches there?"

"Wha?" Peter Pan looked at him strangely, and then began to laugh. "You're cute."

"Um…tha-thanks," Blink stammered, surprised to find himself blushing.

"Come on, I'll take you to my place."

"Sure."  He smiled, a gesture Peter Pan returned.

"And away we go!" Peter Pan called, and indeed, away they did go, courtesy of a little bit of contraband pixie dust (Peter was shaking Tink in her sleep, but shh, don't tell her), into a cerulean blue sky full of fluffy white clouds (get it? GET IT? Me neither.).

"DAMN YOU, PETER PAN!" Captain Hook screamed from the ship below.

(INTERLUDE, because it would not be a proper humorfic without a Vinyl-contributed interlude: 

LEIK OmG Yah I Wuz WLKinG DowN Da StREeet & LEik I WUZ CinG DIs GuY BUt He Was GaY So HE DInT WanT 2 BONe Me So YAh And We LEik BRoke Up & Now I"'m Sad :-(( LOLLIIEZZZ JK JK JK JK!!)

A few hours later, in Peter Pan's secret hideaway, which was not very different from a low-tech Batcave with bunk beds, Blink stood in front of a mirror, staring at his reflection. Naked. (Careful, folks, this may get angsty. It's already nakey, after all.)

"Blinky…" Peter Pan said, coming up behind the boy and placing his hands on his shoulders. 

"Yes, Petey Wetey?"

He kissed the boy's neck gently. "I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I know this torrid, whirlwind, can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other, hour and a half romance, has been wonderful, and I know the Lost Boys using the peephole in the corner have enjoyed it too--" The Lost Boys in question, standing outside, quickly scattered. "--but I have a confession to make."

Blink turned his head to the side to look Peter in the eye. "Petey Wetey?"

"I…I've only been using you to make my real love jealous."

"Your…your real love?" He could barely believe it.

"Yes. Didn't you hear my scream his name?" 

"I thought you were just giving me a nickname."

"No, Blinky, the truth is…" Peter closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm in love with Captain Hook." 

"Captain Hook?"

"You know, the one who almost killed you."

"?" Sometimes, punctuation is more powerful than words.

"The one with the hook."

"OH!" Blink put an apprehensive finger to his lips. "Well, to be honest, Petey Wetey, I'm in love with someone else as well. He rejected me, and, in my despair, I fell into your open arms." He held back a sob.

"It's okay, Blinky!" Peter assured. "I got the hint."

"You did?"

"Yeah, I mean, I figured you weren't referring to certain parts of me as 'Mush', so I assumed it was someone else."

"Oh." Blink flushed. "Well, what do we do now?"

"Part, I suppose," Peter said. "I'll take you back to where you're from."

"I don't want to go back, though. It means I have to face him."

"If you don't face him, you'll never get over him."

"Couldn't I just get a new boyfriend here?"

"Blinky, put your pants on. We're going."

(EYECATCH! LIKE IN A SHOUJO ANIME!)

We could very well go right back to the Newsies set, but first, to ensure all loose ends are tied up, we'll check up on our dear friend Peter, now aboard the Jolly Roger and in the heat of a (sexual tension-laced) duel with his arch-nemesis/secret crush.

"This will be the end of you, Peter Pan," Captain Hook snarled, pointing his rapier at the boy.

"No!" Peter wailed. "It can't be!"

"Oh, but it is!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too, too, too!" Hook insisted. "Do you have any famous last words?" (Last words are always famous, after all.)

"I love you!" Peter exclaimed.

"You…you do?"

"I've always loved you, Hooky! All I want to do is be with you!"

"Why, I feel the exact same way!" Isn't wonderful how love stories work out like that?

"But, I thought you already had a lover!"

"I was using him to make you jealous."

"Really?"

"Really! I'll prove it!" He peered down to the decks. "SMEE!" he bellowed.

"Y-yes, sir?" Mr. Smee called from below.

"We're breaking up!"

"Okay, Oh, Captain, My Captain!" He saluted Oh Captain, His Captain, and went into his room to mourn/become Walt Whitman/develop an infatuation for Abraham Lincoln.

And now we may go to the Newsies set.

Back at home on the Newsies set, Blink looked around nervously. There was no one to be seen. It was almost like a ghost town. A ghost town! The thought struck Blink with fear.

"Oh my God!" he shrieked. "Pulitzer's killed them all! All because of our petty rebellion! I bet he didn't get a sandwich either!"

"If we were all dead, it's because Kenny Ortega's a bloody dancing fascist," a familiar voice came from behind him. Could it be? Blink turned around to see…

Mush. Dressed as a giant sandwich.

"Mush!" he exclaimed. "You're a giant sandwich!"

"I'm so sorry for what happened before," Mush said apologetically (because, as he said before, he was sorry.). "I didn't realize that when you asked if I had saved you part of a sandwich, you were asking if I loved you, and saying no was a sign of rejection." Blink sniffled. "The truth is…I do love you!"

"You do?" Blink gasped. "Oh Mushy!" He threw his arms around the boy, and they shared a sweet, fluff-fic kiss.

"The power of love prevails!" announced Les from Jack's shoulders (or maybe it was David's. I'm trying to parallel the end of the film here, but it's obviously not working.). Everyone cheered (that, I know for sure is true.).

"Now what do we do?" Mush asked, grinning ear to ear.

"I have an idea…" Blink said, taking Mush's hands and leading him away.

"Are you sure?" Mush asked. "I mean, I'm not…"

"Me neither," Blink finished, not realizing that the other boy was trying to say 'into using handcuffs', which Blink had become rather fond of during his time with Peter, brief as it had been. But they went away anyway.

Twenty minutes later, when Mary Sue returned to her trailer, she found it a-rockin'. Knowing the saying, she did not go a-knockin'. Instead, she let out an anguished cry, realizing that she would have to get new bedding…actually, considering who was in there and what was going on, she'd probably have to get a whole new trailer altogether, and if she had anything to say about it, it would not come out of her salary. She decided to find Kenny Ortega.

It was a short search, because Mary Sue found him on the other side of the trailer, holding a video camera.

"Mr. Ortega!" she exclaimed, shocked.

"Mary Sue, shh!" Kenny Ortega hissed. "This is for the special edition DVD!"

(Yeah, don't we wish. Unfortunately, the footage was destroyed when Mr. Ortega's basement flooded, which to this day he blames on Paula Abdul.)

Meanwhile, inside the trailer, the right names came out at the right time.

(AWW, ISN'T THAT A CUTE ENDING? I'm never going to write an ending that saccharine again, I promise.)

And because there's no such thing as too many random, out-of-place musical numbers, Racetrack entered the scene and cleared his throat.

"Look at the sky!" he exclaimed. "There's a great big heart there! There's a heart in the sky, there just is, don't ask why! It's the sky!"

"RACEY!" Mary Sue charged onto the scene. "I'll be your Hope Cladwell!"

"Run for your lives!" he exclaimed. "RUUUUUUUUUN!"

Racetrack fled, the Rebel Poor close in tow, but without Hope as their hostage.

(I apologize to those who haven't seen Urinetown, because that probably made no sense to you. It made little sense to me too, and I'm the one who wrote it. I'm going to stop now. Wait. ::insert final gratuitous Slashy Lady cameo here:: Okay, I'm done.)

_(It's about damn time.)_

("Once upon a time, there was a woman looking for her son, and though she loved him very much, she loved her daughter even more…")

_(I'LL BEHAVE! I'LL BEHAVE!!)_

(With all the authors that bring you to life out there? I doubt it.)

_THE END. REALLY._


End file.
